PORTSMOUTH, Va. (WAVY) — A survivor of childhood trauma is serving her community as a board member of the Help and Emergency Response Inc., or the HER Shelter.
For the past four decades, the HER Shelter has worked to empower survivors of domestic violence, assault, stalking, trafficking and family homelessness.
The HER Shelter offers emergency shelter in Portsmouth and Chesapeake, safety planning, court advocacy and a 24-hour hotline in English or Spanish.
Cassandra Stanley told 10 on Your Side that, 15 years ago, she was a client living in one of the shelters with her two little girls.
“My children and I were in a homeless situation,” Stanley said. “Not everyone is like me. I want to start by saying that. All that I’ve seen in my life, I learned, I held on to, I took tidbits, I went into survival mode.”
Stanley recalls, as a preschooler, vivid memories of extreme abuse.
“I remember seeing a floor model TV with a bullet hole in it,” Stanley said. “My head was hurting because there was a funny smell, at the time not knowing it was natural gas filling the house. My mom is crying, and my sister is trying to console her. The police arrived, and us being in a children’s hospital for three months, not understanding why we were there because there were so many sick kids.”
Early memories with her mom included discovering her lifeless body.
“I lost my mother at a very young age,” Stanley said, “but my first memory of domestic violence involved her.”
In 2010, she was directed to the shelter after falling on hard times.
“I was in survival mode until recently,” Stanley said. “The HER shelter was the first place that I could stop in and woosah (feel calm). I felt safe, felt comfortable, had everything I needed to re-pivot my whole life to get out of this survival. They provide so many resources, counseling that I didn’t know I needed, … acknowledging that I was a victim because I didn’t really … — it was just life for me.”
She is the first former client to serve on the HER Shelter board, recognizing the mental, financial and physical barriers that often hold people back.
“Everyone’s like, ‘Just leave,’ [but] it’s not that easy to just leave — it’s really not,” Stanley said. “When a woman [or man] is in that kind of situation, there’s so much everybody hones in on —physical [abuse]. There is so much mental control and power. That’s its own prison. It’s the heart and the mind that keep you there.”
To help fund the free resources, including safety planning and emergency shelter, the HER Shelter needs your help.
The HER Shelter 40th gala is on Oct. 18 on the Spirit of Norfolk. The organizers are working hard to sell tickets for a good cause.
10 On Your Side’s Markeisha Jackson will serve as the emcee.
To buy tickets, visit HERE.
If you or you know someone who may be a victim of domestic violence or child abuse, click here for a list of local and national resources.
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